Mluhya Pwani - Episode 3

Yeeeah, you're probably wondering where the first two installments of ‘Mluhya Pwani’ are. Who am I kidding, you’re definitely not. You've probably just randomly clicked on another link on the internet and found yourself here. Anyway, there's this play by David Ives called ‘Sure Thing’ , off his All in the Timing collection, that you really need to read. It basically examines the endless variations of boy meets girl and the ensuing pick-up lines. 

The play begins with a Bill approaching a Betty in a café, then asking "Is this chair taken?" To which she replies "Yes." A bell rings and Bill repeats his question to which Betty says, "No, but I'm expecting somebody in a minute." The bell rings again, and Bill poses his question again. This process continues until Bill is finally allowed to take a seat. The bell acts as a buffer against all topics of conversation that are potentially negative to building their relationship, allowing them to try another line. By the end of the play, their initial differences in opinion (they reeeeally had differing opinions on literature, politics, romance etc etc...) So their differences have reversed making the two perfect companions. Both of them finally agree to fall in love and cherish the other forever.

The central theme throughout the play displays a few varieties of a possible conversation that end with a ringing bell that symbolizes a fresh start and a second chance to make a good impression. Okay enough with the literature lesson. So I've been in The Coast for the past two months having gotten a job (yay)...

…and just recently got a chance to take a break. So I walked into a restaurant in Mombasa earlier today and ordered some fish. As I'm waiting for the waiter to bring me my plate, this pretty girl walks into the restaurant and, since the place is full, sits on the only vacant seat - directly opposite mine.

She was not all that. I mean, I've seen much prettier ladi...who am I kidding, that girl was a goddess! So the girl sits down just when the waiter is setting down my food. I forgot to mention, the girl and I locked eyes for like two hours as she was slow walking into the restaurant with the wind flailing her hair and stuff, so I figured the planets had aligned and zapped us into this one big beautiful celestial body of love. I was wrong.

I'm the worst when it comes to ice breaking. One time, I let this girl sat beside me on a bus ride's umbrella drill a hole in my stomach just to avoid speaking to her. I hate starting conversations with people I don't know. It's hard! But I always have this urge to at least say a thing whenever I sit next to a pretty girl. I mean, that could be how I’m destined to meet my wife... 

Anyway, so I'm there sipping my juice, five minutes had gone by since miss world had sat opposite me. All that time, I was kicking myself to say something to her. Anything! I wanted to tell her about a Faulkner (nudge nudge, wink wink ;-) novel I'm reading. Or of how I type pretty much everything that I need to do. Then I figured she would think I'm creepy. So I decided to tell her about my recent obsession with world history (by the way, I am one of those people that obsesses, that is, learns everything about a subject, and then moves on). 

I breathed in, then looked squarely at the girl. She was doing something on her phone. Probably tweeting about how she's sat next to this really handsome lad... I cleared my throat gently then parted my lips.

"Hi! It's pretty hot out here..."

Shut up Xavy, SHUT UP!!!!

"...you look pretty smart. What would you say if I told you there are ordinary people out there who will make more money in a year than you’ll make in a deca..."

The last bits of my phenomenal speech were muffled by the roaring fan mounted on the wall beside our table. Needless to say, the girl gave me the female version of this...

...before doing this... 

 Generally, there is an old saying that claims one never has a second chance to make a first impression. I haven't shaved my hair in a while – both facial, and head hair. I look a mess. Coast's heat isn't kind on me either. Ives play came to mind the instant the girl looked back at her phone. The girl stood up and moved to a seat that had just been vacated. My black face burned red.

I'm in a bus headed for Nairobi. My face still burns.