Of fears and deity

Sometime prior to my agonizingly long holiday break, about two weeks before last semester came to a close, or was it three weeks? I can’t really figure when. Anyway a friend had been on my neck throughout the better part of the semester, relentlessly inviting me to her place but somehow, amazingly, I had managed to turn her down until the two- (or was it three) -weeks-before-recess happened. Well I don’t know why, but I was always edgy about her ‘good-will gesture’, so I politely kept on ‘tomorrowing’ her every time we got to the end of our classes and she gathered up enough pluck to ask me over again. That girl was determined!  So I finally crumbled and decided to drop by her place. Stop with your filthy thoughts you! Nothing happened. We merely shared a meal (actually, her bringing up food on her most recent stab to get me to visit seemed to have worked the magic) and I set back for my place without more ado.  Let me cut to the chase; I suffered the worst stomach upset I have ever experienced in all my life. I’m not saying the food was terrible. In fact, in contrast to what I eat while in school, it was a delectable meal. My tummy ached so badly, I think I died thrice that night and my roommate, God bless his soul, gave a fantastic exhibition of what long-suffering is really all about. The hostel room reeked. When on waking up the following morning it dawned that I hadn’t really died, it was all so obvious I had to call on the campus infirmary.

 

So I walk into the grimly painted room that serves as our health center and this fine-looking, soft-spoken lady –let’s call her Dawn, as she looked a lot like Firelight’s lead vocalist- behind the reception desk  is kind enough to throw me a good morning jesting then starts with some doctorish inquiring. She goes on for a few before it hits me that she really is the doctor. Yes I’m slightly taken aback, but I don’t show it, nope.  I initially  mutter back some brutally disjointed answers before coherence kicks in and I decide to go for the jugular and dazzle Dawn with medical expressions I had googled earlier, all which I can’t remember now, as I tried to explain my condition. It was a really desperate (and sad) attempt to try and get her impressed.  Well she was falling for it, or so I thought, and so I fueled the flame I had lit with more ‘dilation’s’ and ‘eructation’s’ (I still have no idea what these words mean). While I thought I was making ground breaking strides towards pretty Dawn’s heart, little did I know the crisis I was getting myself into. After my ramblings, Dawn, with just that pretty smile of hers, (I swear if she could just smile in front of an epileptic, she’d trigger the poor guy’s seizures) got up from her seat, walked to an adjacent room and called for me. I followed her in. Expectantly. Then something happened. Dawn had in her hands a syringe.

“Goodness, all I have is a stomachache not Witzelsucht!” I thought.

Apparently, I had expertly diagnosed myself with a severe case of Werewolf syndrome and a jab was very much imperative if my life was to be saved. See, the problem I had wasn’t with the disease it appeared I had contracted, actually it was with the thing Dawn had in her hand. I sped out of that room without saying a word to Dawn looking forward to the rest of my celibate life. I wouldn’t stoop that low.  In fact, all this beating around the bush with the extended commentary was just to bring out the idea that I fear needles! I won’t sit in the same room with a needle. I just can’t stand those evil pointed things. I even propose they be declared weapons of mass destruction and wiped off the earth's face!

I dread snakes too. Make that reptiles. Drowning freaks me out as well, so do heights. Save for the mainstream fears, I have weird ones as well. I fear forgetting. Yes, I fear that I will one day wake up and not recall a thing. In fact I’ll stop right there because It’s getting somewhat uncomfortable for me. I fear not being impressive enough to the people who care to talk me up. What else do I fear? Le’ me see…hmmm…Oh! I have this fear of being in cars, so for my traveling, I mostly fly or once in a blue moon, walk. I used to fear females, but that was some time back. Now I’m smooth with them, I think. Way smoother than the president’s head but that’s for another day. Anyway, I fear quite a lot, but most of my fears are at least still within the ambit of normal, as compared to some weirdo who fears vegetables or the other one who has phagophobia – the fear of swallowing (really? That exists?).

I’ve battled numerous of my fears as I’ve been growing old (Yes I just turned 39 in September). Some I managed to shed off, others clung like a limpet. I remember the day I told my dad I was ready to go to the toilet on my own. It was a chilly September morning in ’99; ah I remember it like it was just yesterday. I had just woken up preparing for school. I walked into my folk’s room, looked at my dad and said,

 “Pops, I’m ready!”

 His eyes got all watery, suppressed a tear then he beckoned for me to go over and hug him.

“You have my blessing son,” he said muffling a whimper. “You have my blessing!”

He looked into my eyes, ruffled my hair and added “Go! Go and never be the same again.”

With Pops blessing I walked to the huge door with poise, hesitating, envisaging what path my life would take after what I was to go through. I lifted up my head, yelled “For you Tusker!” (Tusker was my dog’s name, but still, in this context, it can refer to the current KPL champions) gave a small sniffle, and then flung the door open. My life changed forever!

While we’re still on fear, I was recently in a toilet while out in town, minding my business, intensely reflecting on the complex issues of this life, when a thought over ran my reverie. All around us the famous Reagan quote “There is nothing to fear but fear itself” is heard being passed around daily. It got me thinking, and I don’t know why, but I started thinking about the fears we have in our lives. The claustrophobia’s and the xenophobia’s. We are always encouraged to trounce our fears and all, but one fear I thought would be admirable to have in our lives is the fear of God.

See, the fear of God is a whole lot unlike the fears we experience. While dreading needles leads to pain evasion, weeks and weeks of tablet swallowing (poor phagophobic guy who fears needles) is always the inevitable result. Same case with heights, you won’t ever climb to a high place, good enough for you, but you’ll never experience the ecstasy that comes along with bungee jumping. There’s always a catch; something that you’ll miss out on. God’s fear? Nope, it’s clean and it endures forever.

The book of Proverbs talks a lot about the fear of God and what is in for those who take it up and those who don’t. While conventional definitions claim fear to be a sentiment, a very bad sentiment, that you get when you’re afraid, God’s fear is somewhat different.

***Proverbs 8:13***

The fear of the Lord is to hate evil.

Basically it’s to have a contemptuous attitude towards sin. Proverbs 1:7 speaks of the fear of God being the beginning of knowledge Wisdom is the prime reward we can get by learning to fear God. It is the ‘promise’ that attaches itself to the command of fearing God. What good does this wisdom do us then?

Wisdom, the scriptures posit, saves us from death and aids us when the storms of terror strike. The bible further adds that wisdom is far better than rubies and with it rulers make laws and kings have their clout. Unending riches, reputation, integrity and virtue come with it. No wonder Solomon didn’t ask for a PlayStation 3! Wisdom is the key to everything. The same chapter at verse 35 says “Whoever finds wisdom finds life and wins approval from the Lord but the one who misses on wisdom has injured himself irreparably. Those who refuse wisdom show that they love death.” All this points to Christ who in John 1:12 says those who receive him get the power to be sons of God. Christ is this wisdom. To get Him we have to hate sin and abandon it. I sometimes chuckle while reading through the bible. While it’s known that to get to God we have to go through Christ first, here we see that to get to Christ we have to fear God. Christ is the gift that those who fear God are bestowed with.

The fear of God is all for our good. He controls everything. While vegetables might start crawling in our tummies or large crowds send us into seizures, God is the only one who can do further than harm the body. In Matthew 10:28 we are told to be only afraid of God who can obliterate both soul and body. The devil can’t and that’s why we’re just told to resist him, not fear him. He couldn’t even touch Job’s soul, only God could. I encourage us to trust God to help us grow to be full of fear of Him, because as the fear of peanut butter sticking up the roof of the mouth is arachybutyrophobia, the fear of God…the fear of God is wisdom.